From the Onion

NASHVILLE, TN--Finally unhindered by his wife Tipper's 25-year-long household ban on violent and sexually explicit music, former vice president Al Gore, 62, reportedly embraced his newfound independence this week by listening to the albums of the heavy metal band W.A.S.P.

"For the first time in decades, I get to play the kind of music I like without someone nagging me about what a bad influence it is," said Gore, sitting on the floor of his living room as he cued up the song "Animal (Fuck Like A Beast)" on his stereo. "And I get to crank it up as loud as I want."

"These guys are kicking some serious ass," added the two-term U.S. Senator. "Check out this guitar break coming up--it's nasty."

Gore, who was prohibited from hearing music with graphic sex, violence, or drug references since Tipper founded the Parents Music Resource Center in 1985, confirmed yesterday that her crusade was "total bullcrap." In addition, Gore said that listening to the forbidden W.A.S.P. albums over and over again had not turned him into a satanic dope fiend as his wife and her associates had warned.

"It sucked because we always had to listen to garbage like Carly Simon and Lyle Lovett all the time," said Gore, who told reporters that he was "loving" being single again. "That stuff is lame, man. If it doesn't have big balls and bigger riffs, get it out of my stereo!" Read more.